Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I love yarn. No, you don't understand me, I LOVE yarn. Holding some 100% fiber between my fingers causes me to fantasize. I spend way to much time committing myself to the completion of some project or other. It's like my fingers have to be doing something. My kids get so frustrated with me for not paying attention to their every move, but then they're delighted when I squeeze their heads into cozy sock yarn!

This is the compromise. They "tolerate" me focusing on something that's not the monotony of my life (Not really. I still constantly have to referee squabbles.) for a couple of hours a day, and I end up feeling as if I really can provide them with something that they need. A comfy hat, or a new dress for the party. The fact that I (me) can make something out of a string, that can provide vital warmth for my children, helps me deal with all these feelings of inadequacy.

This is what crochet does for me. It validates me. Not only is it a form of expression that so many artists have taken over the top. But, it's a valuable skill which I can use to provide for my family and also to maintain my mental wellbeing.

I stay in the constant pursuit of mastering someone else's patterns (and this frustrates me). Only to be disappointed to find that after I've committed my mind to creating their works of art, I can't afford to because the yarn the designer used cost $8 per 50 g ball and I need 20 balls!?! Oh my God! Is there something else that I could substitute? Not really. And if I do, it won't look like the one in the picture.

When I finally write my own pattern book, I'll be sure to make designs suitable for various yarns and forms of expression, from the least expensive to the most luxurious. And everyone who finishes one of my projects will feel validated.

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