One thing this weekend was not is a bust. I met my parents up in Windsor. I'd never heard of that place before this weekend, but it's near the wineries in Sanoma. We got there Saturday evening, which was cool. Even the kids vowed to kick back in front of the TV once we got to the time share. Which was quite cozy I might add. My step-mom said she'd been to better ones, but this one was like a little apartment. The next morning they had to do the traditional meet-and-greet with the time share people. But then that afternoon we took a lovely drive to California's Old Faithful (pretty cool), and a winery with free tastings who's name I can't remember (Suitui, I think). I definately want to do it again. The winery thing that is (with not kids). I started this cute little tank that I think I'll be done with in a few days. Maybe I'll wear it next weekend if I can get a sitter. Pleeeease, Daddy! I'm so grateful my dad still allows me to be a mooch at my age. With two, kids, I prolly would never get to do anything if he didnt. My brother does too, and I feel guilty. But if it wasn't for those two and others who help me with the kids, I would never get treated to anything. Well, enough of feeling sorry for myself, I know I don't deserve any of your charity guys, but I'm sure happy to accept it. Oh yeah, I'm promise to update these blogs with pics, but with my dial up (yes, I said dial up) it's taking too long to update them lately. I'll try again tonight if I can get a moment of peace. Ta ta.

I don't even know where to start. I try not to get too personal in this blog that's dedicated to crochet, but it's just starting to take too much effort not to disclose my personal struggles. Last week, I found out that the company that I work for, who already doesn't pay me enough to make ends meet is closing our location in August. I thought to myself, what's next?! The only reason that I've been with this company so long is so that I could find an ideal job (which this was supposed to transition into but never did). No ideal job yet. So, now I have to just get any ole job. I must say, that one thing that I've learned how to do well since becoming a mother is crying with no tears. I refuse to let my children grow up with harsh memories about the struggles I go through to keep them at peace. Don't get me wrong, I want them to understand the value of a dollar, but as I bite into this delicious pear which I can't afford, I can't help thinking "damn!, I can't even enjoy my pear." I don't want them to have these types of mental struggles. I think that more than anything I am angry. Very angry of my current existence. I know what I'm experiencing is nothing new under the sun. I've been doing this solo thing for sooo long now that it is getting really old. I kept hoping to see God's miracle of grace before now (like I normally do). But nothing yet. He hasn't let me down yet, but then again, I haven't been in his presence as much as I used to. No where near. I'm so conflicted!

I haven't been crocheting as much as I'd like to. I don't know where my motivation has gone. However, HP got a chance to wear the tank. She was very pleased with her outfit that day. Telling everyone to look at her top and skirt. Hmmmm, I guess humility is not something that already comes embroidered in the fabric of our DNA. She did look cute that day, and we had a nice time hopping about town running errands. Many who know me, after meeting my daughter frequently comment on how much character I had as a child (they don't put it this nicely). But, I don't ever remember doing the types of things she does. Sure, I gave my fare share of back-talk. But this child, oh my God! She was upset that I put her in timeout, and decided to protest by pulling out her hair. Why would she do something like that? At age 2, can she already know me well enough to know on just how deep a level this type of behavior disturbs me? Pray for us, please. To try to manage some of the many stresses in my life, I've decided to plant a garden. Granted, I'm not doing it whole heartedly. I've cleared out some weeds in the yard, and am going to see what the sandy soil will do. I fertilized too. In a few days, we should start to see something. I can already see the tiny lettuce sprouts. It's hard getting out there in the sun, even though we're covered with sunscreen and insect repellent. The kids seemed down with helping at first, but HP just wanted to through dirt everywhere and DJ spent most of the time running away from nature. I have to admit, there is a bit much of it out there sometimes. I get tired of having to constantly look over my shoulder. Seeing a snake cross your path ain't no big thing. And there are plenty of these fence lizards around to feed them, not to mention the mice. Well, hopefully we can enjoy the fruits of our labor. I'm kinda scared though, because there are still so many signs of construction work out there. I could barely dig in spot where there weren't some rusty nails or staples or something. Didn't they keep track of this stuff? Well, one of the real reasons crochet has been on hold for now is because I'm trying to learn how to knit. Sure am. I'm learning the hard way that fixing a mistake is not as easy as ripping out a row. I want to learn so that I can make some cute sweaters for DJ. There just aren't that many crochet patterns out there. I tried when he was like 5 (my own design), but after trying it on, I decided that it looked too much like it was for a girl. So, I gave it to Dom. I wonder if she still has it. I"ll talk to you again soon, and I promise sooner than a month from now. Ta ta.